Hello Creatures.
By this point, if you’re reading On the Couch, it should be no secret that I am entirely convinced that the ocean is, in fact, full of nightmares. Sharks are scary, but for me, they are nothing compared to some of the amorphous blob shaped fish with three thousand fangly bits hanging off of them that are just hanging out at the bottom of the sea. My favorite part is that a lot of them glow in the dark for you to catch JUST ENOUGH of a glimpse of them to say to yourself: HOLY CRAP. THOSE ARE A LOT OF FANGLY BITS.
You’re familiar with some of them. Remember that video of the Frilled Shark? What the heck is THAT all about? That guy looks CRAZY. Why you gotta have teeth shaped like that, guy?! “Why the better to shred your tender meat-arms if you ever find yourself down this deep in the ocean. Mwahahahaha.” Morray Eel? Okay, those guys aren’t so much deep-water nightmare, but they are crazy-lurkers. Just hangin’ out, jonesin’ to bite you.
Angler Fish? Hell no. Those things scare the crap out of me, even though I’m fairly sure they almost never come into contact with humans and if they did, they probably wouldn’t be able to do much. But I see all those spindly freakin’ teeth coupled with the dead, soulless, staring eyes and that caveman part of my brain says: NO. THAT IS THREAT. Don’t make eye contact. Stay away. Don’t even watch a youtube video about them because they will come out of the screen a la The Ring and sink all three thousand of those fangly teeth into your precious torso.
Giant Squid? Right. They’ve got eyes the size of my head. LITERALLY. The size of my head and they are crazy-smart. Their only natural predator? Freakin’ WHALES. It takes a friggin’ WHALE to bring one of those things down. And THEY even come up scarred.
I know that’s how evolution drove these creatures to be, and rationally, I know that there’s a function to the way that these swimming horrors appear, but geez. Quit creepin’ everybody out. Now I’ve given myself the heebie jeebies.
That’s all for now and as always: Thanks for reading!
4 thoughts on “From the Depths”
Laura
Why does one of the pirates speak in math? ( IT”S A LANGUAGE! oh.)
SurlyQueen
Because she’s a crazy pigeon lady….She’s from an earlier Couch comic ^_^
gsekse
So… this means we won’t go scuba diving together?? It’s really much prettier under the sea than you think.
SurlyQueen
Probably not…actually though, that’s because I can’t reliably regulate the pressure in my ears, not because of ocean horrors. I actually really like swimming in the ocean though.
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